I FIXED THE INTERNET

Backwards, hillbilly, middle of nowhere internet not working? Here are some simple steps to fix it!

 

  1. Dial number of your local internet company.
  2. Wait through 43,674 options until you hear the one for reporting an outage.
  3. Enter you account number.
  4. Enter account number again, forcefully jabbing smartphone for every number because the backwards, hillbilly, middle of nowhere internet company didn’t understand your number.
  5. Wait through 8,231 more options until you realize there is no option for what you need.
  6. Stay on the line, as instructed, for the next available operator.
  7. Hear that your wait time is “more than 10 minutes”.
  8. Swear into your phone at the backwards, hillbilly, middle of nowhere internet company for being complete and total fucking morons for not being able to run an internet company that actually provides internet on a regular basis to their customers.
  9. Be pissed off because your spectacular mini meltdown was heard by no one but your cat.
  10. Fiddle with buttons and cord while waiting an eternity for SOMEONE to answer your call.
  11. After approximately 14 minutes on hold, hit that Facebook button ONE MORE TIME, because the previous 839 clicks produced nothing.
  12. Sit staring at your computer, mesmerized, watching Facebook load on your browser.
  13. Slowly reach over and click the off button on your phone.
  14. Be AMAZED that you, a regular person, FIXED THE INTERNET!!!!!!
  15. Celebrate by updating your Facebook status telling everyone how truly amazing you are!

~Jennifer

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