Happy New Year

Life In Sarcasm would like to wish you and your family a very happy new year.

Thank you for following the blog and I’ll see you next year!

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One Day …

One day my children will be able to pee without soaking the toilet seat.

One day my children will be able to wash their hands without drowning the counter top.

One day my children will be able to hold a conversation without belching or farting.

One day my children will be able to pick up their dirty clothes without being asked.

One day my children will be able to get in the car without making 473,829 trips back into the house for something they forgot.

One day my children will be able to complete a trip to the supermarket without having to pee three times (and then whine the entire trip home that they have to pee again).

One day my children will be able to remember to say please and thank you without being prompted.

One day my children will be able to make a decision in less than sixty minutes.  It’s not that hard to choose between strawberry or grape jelly.

One day my children will be able to keep track of their shoes, and coats, and books, and toothbrushes.

One day my children will be able to hang up their wet towels after showering.

One day my children will be able to remove the empty toilet paper roll and replace it with a new one.

One day my children will be able to throw their trash into the trash can … not next to it.

One day my children will be able to go to sleep without all of the lights in the house on.

One day my children will be all grown up and not need me anymore.  But today is not that day.  Today they still need me.

~Jennifer

The culprit has struck again!!

Be on the lookout for the nefarious character “I Don’t Know”. He may be accompanied by his sidekick “Not Me”. Both have apparently struck my home, particularly the bathroom, where they have once again used all of the toilet paper off the roll and failed to replace it.

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If you happen upon these two, proceed with extreme caution. Confrontation may cause them to spill their drink or eat the last cookie from your secret stash.

You have been warned.

~Jennifer

Things My Kid Says…..

The Husband took the kids out Christmas shopping last night. This is part of the conversation we had over breakfast this morning…

The Boy: We saw this stuff. Doesn’t Aunt K**** like that one thing?

The Girl: Doctor Who?

TB: Yeah Doctor Who! They had that thing. The TARDIS and when you pushed the button it talked.

Me: Wow. That’s neat.

TB: And they had that other thing. A … umm … a dildo?

Me: (horrified stare)

The Husband: (equally horrified stare)

TB: (noticing the looks on our faces) or maybe it was a droid or something.

Me: (looking at The Husband) I’ve got to quit letting him hang out with you!

The Boy: (still trying to get us to understand what he’s talking about) You know, that think that says, “eliminate!” Or something like that. They had that.

I just love having breakfast as a family.

Is it okay?

Is it okay that I bought ice cream when the kids weren’t with me?  It is okay that I hurried home and stashed it in the back of the freezer before they got home from school?  Is it okay that I waited for them to go to bed before I crept into the kitchen like a thief to try to sneak that sugary goodness?  Is it okay that I felt guilty when I was caught not once, but TWICE trying to get that drumstick out of the plastic bag and cardboard box?

Yes.  It is okay.  Not only is it okay, it is expected.  At least in this house where the kids think they should get all the good snacks and leave the parents with the boring snacks.

The kids?  They just don’t understand.  But someday in the future, when their kids are all tucked in bed, they will creep into the kitchen themselves and try to sneak their own sugary goodness.  Hopefully they will have learned from my mistakes and be more successful them me!

~Jennifer