Kid Size Jokes

The jokes kids tell have always held a special place in my heart.  It all started nearly 27 years ago when my five-year-old sister came home from school bursting with excitement over a joke she had learned in school.  It was a joke so simple and made me laugh so hard.

What do you call a sleeping bull?  A bull dozer!!

So stinkin’ cute!!

A few days ago on my page The Husband Chronicles, I asked for everyone to share their favorite kid type joke and the response was amazing!  Here they are!!  Enjoy.

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Why do cows have bells?  Because their horns don’t work.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

Why is 6 afraid of 7. because 7, 8 (ate) 9.

Me: Knock Knock.
Kid: Come in.

What do you get when you have 2 green balls in your hand ??? Kermit’s undivided attention.

Two crackers were walking down the street… one was a salted (assaulted).

When do you go at red & stop at green?  When eating watermelon!

Why did the seagull fly over the sea?  Because if he flew over the bay he’d be a bagel.

“Knock Knock”
“Who’s there?”
“Interrupting Cow”
“Interrupting Cow wh…”
“MOOOO!”

What do you call an alligator wearing a vest?  An investigator.

What do you call a cross between an elephant and a rhinoceros?  Elifino (ell if I know)!

What do you get when you put your hand up a ghost butt? A piece of sheet.

What did the digital clock say to his mom?   Look mom no hands!

What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?  Nacho cheese!

What’s purple and smells like paint?  Purple paint.

What bees have milk?  Boobies!

What did the zero say to the eight?  Nice belt.

What do you call a three legged donkey??   A wonkey.

Have you ever smelled moth balls?   How did you get their little legs apart?

What did the triangle say to the circle? Your life is pointless!

What did one burp say to the other burp?  Let’s be little stinkers and go out the other end!

Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it felt crummy.

How do you keep a moron in suspense?  I’ll tell you tomorrow…

Pete and Repeat were sitting on a fence Pete fell off who was left?

Knock knock
Whos there?
Little ole lady..
Little ole lady who?…..
I didn’t know you could yodel!

How do you make a tissue dance? You put a lil boogie in it.

Say lettuce and then spell cup.

Why did the lion spit out the clown?  Because it tasted funny!

What do you get if you through butter out of the window?  A Butterfly.

What happens when you throw a clock out of the window?  Time flies.

Why do birds fly south for the winter?  Because it’s too far to walk.

What do you call a fly without wings?  A Walk!

Why did the super hero flush the toilet?  Because it was his duty!

How do you catch a unique rabbit? Unique up on it!  How do you catch a tame rabbit? The tame way.

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Cows go.
Cows go who?
No silly cow’s go moo.

Why was the police man in bed?  Because he was an undercover cop!

What did the big flower say to the baby flower?  Hey Bud!

What do you call a lady standing in the middle of a tennis court?  A net (Annette).

Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because he wasn’t peeling well!

That did the slug say to the snail? Big issue.

What do you call a sleeping T-Rex?  A Dino-snore!

Why do golfers always have two gloves?  Because he usually has a hole in one.

What goes up but doesn’t come down?  AGE!

How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it!

How do you tell when a blonde is having a bad hair day? When she’s got a tampon behind her ear and she forgot where she put her pencil.

What is silent and smells like carrots ? Bunny farts.

How do you clean a messy tuba?  With a tuba toothpaste!

Why did the chicken cross the park? To get to the other slide!

What is the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts cost 3 dollars a bag and deer nuts are under a buck!

How can you tell Ronald McDonald on a nude beach??  He’s the one with the sesame seed buns!!!!

Why did the baby ghost cry? Because the mama ghost whooped his booooooty!

Why wouldn’t the skeleton cross the road?  Because he didn’t have any guts.

Knock, knock.
Whose there?
I eat map.
I eat map who? (When you say it out loud it sounds like “I eat my poo!”)

What’s big, red, and eats rocks? A big red rock eater. What’s big, red, and eats sand?? A big, red rock eater on a diet.

What do you call a girl with one leg shorter than the other???  Eileen.

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Bear.
Bear who?
Bear bum.

Say hi to your knee. Hiknee!

Look under there. Under where? (Underwear)

Why do melons have to get married in church?  Because they can’t elope!

What is black and white, black and white, black and white? A penguin rolling down a hill.

How do you get to Wales in a car?  One in the front and one in the back.

What do you get when you cross a parrot with a centipede?  A walkie-talkie!

Where do find a tortoise with no legs?  Where you left him!

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?  Ten tickles.

What do you call a train with a cold?  A choo choo train!

Whats green & turns red at the flick of a switch?  A frog in a blender!!

Why do the crows fly south?  It’s too far to walk

How many birds does it take to carry a basket? Two can (toucan).

What did the dustpan say to the broom? You overswept!!

Are you pt?  No…You’re not potty trained? Yes…you’re a pregnant teacher?

What do you call two bananas? A pair of slippers.  What do you call half a banana? A banana split.

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn’t say banana!

What’s black and white a red all over? A newspaper. (Or a skunk in a blender depending on how twisted you are.)

Why did Tigger go down the toilet?  To find Pooh.

Why did the elephant take toilet paper to the party?  Coz he was a party pooper!

Why did the strawberry cry?  Cause his mammy was in a jam.

Did you hear about the magic tractor? It turned in to a field!

Did you see the dog with no nose? No, how does he smell??  Horrible!!

How do turtles communicate? By shellphone.

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Boo.
Boo who?
Aw don’t cry. It’s only a knock knock joke!

What’s gray and wrinkled and has a trunk?  A little old mouse going on vacation.

Did you hear about the silly man tap dancing?  He fell into the sink.

Did you hear about the silly man ironing his shirt? He burned his chest.

Doctor, doctor, I feel like a spoon!  Sit down there and don’t stir.

Doctor, Doctor, everyone keeps ignoring me!    Next please!

What to you call a pig that does karate?  A pork chop!

Why do bees have sticky hair?  They use honeycombs!

Why does the flamingo lift a leg? If he lifted 2 he would fall on his bum.

What do you call a deer with no eyes?  No idea.

What do you call a cow eating grass? A lawn-mooer.

How do you make a tissue dance?  Put a little boogie in it!

What looks like monkey but smaller?  Baby monkey.

What do you call a fish with no eyes?  A fsh.

A man walked into a bar…. Ouch!

Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Atch
Atch who?
Bless you!

Why do you kiss under a mistletoe?  Because you can’t kiss under a mistlefoot. It will kick you.

Why do fish live in salt water?  Because pepper makes them sneeze.

How do you make friends with a squirrel?  Climb a tree and act like a nut!

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Do you have any kid jokes that you would like to share?  Feel free to leave them in the comments.  I look forward to seeing more!!