Eight Reasons

Eight Reasons Why I Hate My Kids

1. They’re smelly.
-I mean, come on. You’ve smelled them. They usually smell like dirt and sweat. In no way is that cute and cuddly. All it makes me want to do is take them outside and hose them down.

2. They’re loud.
-Really loud. Especially when you’re tired or sick. They run. They yell. They bounce. Sometimes I wonder if they’re doing construction down at the end of the hallway. All of the banging and window rattling. They better have some new shelves or an extra bathroom down there when they’re finished.

3. They’re clingy.
-They love to climb on you, hang on you, and drag behind you when they grab your leg while you’re walking through the grocery store. They are most clingy when they are denied something that they ABSOLUTELY MUST HAVE!!! Like those Hot Wheels cars or that shiny Hello Kitty plastered laptop.

4. They don’t listen.
-You can talk until you’re blue in the face. They never hear a word of what you say. Don’t take food out of the kitchen? No, didn’t hear that. Clean up your room? Nope, didn’t hear that either. Don’t jump on the bed? What did you say, Mom? Go ahead and jump on the bed?!?! AWESOME!!! They do not hear a syllable that comes out of your mouth……unless you say something about your mother-in-law. Then they hear (and remember) EVERY word!!

5. They’re clumsy.
-They’re always running into something or falling down. They’re always covered in bumps, bruises and Dora the Explorer Band-Aids. And it never fails, the day before school pictures they will get a black eye.

6. They’re needy.
-They need that toy they saw on TV. If they don’t get it, they won’t be able to survive. They need that lovey they left at daycare. You know, the one they’ve slept with every night since the day they were born. They need money for that fundraiser at school. They need money for that hot date they have on Friday. They always need something, but don’t expect to get anything in return…except maybe attitude.

7. They’re giving.
-They really are. They’ll give you that runny nose, that raging fever, and that pukey stomach. They give you their empty candy wrappers and that handful of dog poop that they picked up out of the grass. And you must accept all of these with a smile or they will become loud and clingy.

8. They smile.
-But it will be that devious little smile that they use when they know they’ve done something that they shouldn’t have.


Eight Reasons Why I Love My Kids

1. They’re smelly.
-That new baby smell, whatever it is, always gets me. I don’t know what makes it so intoxicating, but I just can’t help holding a new baby close and inhaling all of the wonderfulness of a new life.

2. They’re loud.
-Especially when they know they’re right or when they know somebody is being wronged. They stand up for what they feel is right and they will defend their ideas to the ends of the earth. They will stand up for that man, woman, or child who is not able to defend themselves.

3. They’re clingy.
-When their best friend finds someone better. When their first love finds someone else. They know they can come home for a hug and a sympathetic ear, knowing that you’ve probably been in their shoes at one time or another.

4. They don’t listen.
-At least, not always. Why? Because they’ve been raised to be independent individuals. To make their own decisions. To follow their heart. To do what’s best for themselves and their family. They don’t listen to those who say they cannot because if it’s important or right, they will find a way.

5. They’re clumsy.
-They live life, but sometimes they fail. Sometimes things go wrong. But this is okay because they know that if they ever need to they can come home. Even if it’s only to dry their tears.

6. They’re needy.
-They need you. They really do. Especially after a nightmare or the first time they’re turned down for that dream job. They need someone who understands what they’re going through. Most likely since you’ve been there, too. They need you to pick them up, dust them off, and send them back out there to try again.

7. They’re giving.
-They give you unlimited hugs and kisses. They give you their hopes and dreams. They give you their very lives with the hope that you’ll teach them everything that they need to know to succeed in life. And they give you all of their love in return.

8. They smile.
-And when they do, your heart just melts.



9 thoughts on “Eight Reasons

  1. Hi there you have a good site over here! Thanks for sharing this interesting information for us! If you keep up the great work I’ll visit your weblog again. Thanks!

  2. At first I thought you were having a very bad day, then I read the second half and got a little choked up. I feel the same way about my kids 🙂

  3. Pretty damn funny, Jennifer. Nicely articulated and a great way to look at both sides of the coin for the same subject matter. Ying and Yang. The Light and Dark side, as it where. I actually wrote an article recently myself in which I too lamented the chaos of my role as a newly single father, so I feel your pain. And your joy. Great job!


      • Thanks, Jennifer! You’re a brave soul indeed to wade into my literary waters. Just popped in again to your site to read some of your stuff. You’ve got a great site. ps…followed ya on Twitter too. 🙂

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