I Am Thankful For…

At this time of year, everyone feels compelled to list the things for which they are thankful. Here is my list.

I am thankful for Facebook. It has allowed me to connect with family and friends that I had barely spoken to in years. It allows me to see my extended family even though we may now be spread across the country. It also allows me to meet new people who I may never have met if it hadn’t existed.

I am thankful for my sense of humor. It is a sense of humor that not everyone understands, but it makes me who I am. It is also a sense of humor that my children have inherited and use against me. Very well I might add!!

I am thankful that I have to wake up at 4AM every morning. No matter how frustrating my job can be, I am glad that I have it. At this time and in this economy, not many people can say that. Even on the days when I feel that I am not appreciated, I am thankful.

I am thankful for my home. It may not be the biggest, it may not be the newest, but it is mine and it keeps my family safe and warm.

I am thankful for my brain. It has gotten me this far in life without any major mishaps or disasters. It helps me to know right from wrong and it is always there when I need it. Some days I wonder if it’s always paying attention, but it hasn’t let me down…yet.

I am thankful for my parents. Without them, I would not be here. Literally. They may not have had a long, happy marriage, but it was long enough to produce two pretty decent kids.

I am thankful for my sisters. I have almost every type of sister a person can have. Full, step, and half, but I very rarely use those adjectives when talking about them. We’ve been together for so many years that how we became sisters doesn’t matter anymore. I hate to wonder how different my life would be if one of these three women hadn’t been part of my life.

I am thankful for my children. All three loud, smelly, opinionated children. They are my hopes and dreams for the future. They are the people who I am raising them to be. People who care about others. People who live life to the fullest while, at the same time, making sure they enjoy every day that they are given. People who I hope to be like when I grow up.

And I am thankful for my husband. The entire package. Without him, I wouldn’t be where I am today. Without him I wouldn’t have my wonderful children. I wouldn’t have my beautiful home. Without him I would still probably be living in my little mobile home in the middle of nowhere surrounded by cats. Lots of cats.

Happy Thanksgiving.

~Jennifer

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The Dark Side

Being left in the dark in the shower the other day got me wondering.  Why is it that no matter where they go, the kids NEVER shut off the lights?

First of all, no matter where their final destination is, the hallway light MUST BE ON!!!  Bathroom?  Turn on the hallway light.  Bedroom?  Turn on the hallway light.  Kitchen?  Yep, hallway light is on…and they don’t even go through the hallway to get to the kitchen!!!  I can’t tell you how many times a day (maybe an hour would be easier to count) I turn off the hallway light.  I think our nation’s energy problems may center on my children.  If they’d turn off the lights HALF the time, there would never be the threat of an energy shortage.

BUT…

If they come into the bathroom while I am in the shower, they ALWAYS turn off the light when they leave. Now, WHY OH WHY do they leave me in the bathroom, in the shower, in the DARK!!!  It never fails.  Granted, most of the time it is daylight outside (and thank goodness for windows) so I’m not completely in the dark. But, what I can’t figure out is why all the other lights in the house must be left on except for the one that really needs to be.

Guess I should gather a dozen of the smartest people I know and pose this question to them.  Wonder how long it would take them to come up with an answer.  I’m not sure I have that much time though.

It’s awfully dark in here……

Eight Reasons

Eight Reasons Why I Hate My Kids

1. They’re smelly.
-I mean, come on. You’ve smelled them. They usually smell like dirt and sweat. In no way is that cute and cuddly. All it makes me want to do is take them outside and hose them down.

2. They’re loud.
-Really loud. Especially when you’re tired or sick. They run. They yell. They bounce. Sometimes I wonder if they’re doing construction down at the end of the hallway. All of the banging and window rattling. They better have some new shelves or an extra bathroom down there when they’re finished.

3. They’re clingy.
-They love to climb on you, hang on you, and drag behind you when they grab your leg while you’re walking through the grocery store. They are most clingy when they are denied something that they ABSOLUTELY MUST HAVE!!! Like those Hot Wheels cars or that shiny Hello Kitty plastered laptop.

4. They don’t listen.
-You can talk until you’re blue in the face. They never hear a word of what you say. Don’t take food out of the kitchen? No, didn’t hear that. Clean up your room? Nope, didn’t hear that either. Don’t jump on the bed? What did you say, Mom? Go ahead and jump on the bed?!?! AWESOME!!! They do not hear a syllable that comes out of your mouth……unless you say something about your mother-in-law. Then they hear (and remember) EVERY word!!

5. They’re clumsy.
-They’re always running into something or falling down. They’re always covered in bumps, bruises and Dora the Explorer Band-Aids. And it never fails, the day before school pictures they will get a black eye.

6. They’re needy.
-They need that toy they saw on TV. If they don’t get it, they won’t be able to survive. They need that lovey they left at daycare. You know, the one they’ve slept with every night since the day they were born. They need money for that fundraiser at school. They need money for that hot date they have on Friday. They always need something, but don’t expect to get anything in return…except maybe attitude.

7. They’re giving.
-They really are. They’ll give you that runny nose, that raging fever, and that pukey stomach. They give you their empty candy wrappers and that handful of dog poop that they picked up out of the grass. And you must accept all of these with a smile or they will become loud and clingy.

8. They smile.
-But it will be that devious little smile that they use when they know they’ve done something that they shouldn’t have.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Eight Reasons Why I Love My Kids

1. They’re smelly.
-That new baby smell, whatever it is, always gets me. I don’t know what makes it so intoxicating, but I just can’t help holding a new baby close and inhaling all of the wonderfulness of a new life.

2. They’re loud.
-Especially when they know they’re right or when they know somebody is being wronged. They stand up for what they feel is right and they will defend their ideas to the ends of the earth. They will stand up for that man, woman, or child who is not able to defend themselves.

3. They’re clingy.
-When their best friend finds someone better. When their first love finds someone else. They know they can come home for a hug and a sympathetic ear, knowing that you’ve probably been in their shoes at one time or another.

4. They don’t listen.
-At least, not always. Why? Because they’ve been raised to be independent individuals. To make their own decisions. To follow their heart. To do what’s best for themselves and their family. They don’t listen to those who say they cannot because if it’s important or right, they will find a way.

5. They’re clumsy.
-They live life, but sometimes they fail. Sometimes things go wrong. But this is okay because they know that if they ever need to they can come home. Even if it’s only to dry their tears.

6. They’re needy.
-They need you. They really do. Especially after a nightmare or the first time they’re turned down for that dream job. They need someone who understands what they’re going through. Most likely since you’ve been there, too. They need you to pick them up, dust them off, and send them back out there to try again.

7. They’re giving.
-They give you unlimited hugs and kisses. They give you their hopes and dreams. They give you their very lives with the hope that you’ll teach them everything that they need to know to succeed in life. And they give you all of their love in return.

8. They smile.
-And when they do, your heart just melts.

~Jennifer

Definition of Sarcasm

sar·casm [sahr-kaz-uhm]

-according to dictionary.com

1. harsh or bitter derision or irony.

2. a sharply ironical taunt; sneering or cutting remark.

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sar·casm

-according to Urban Dictionary

1. A tongue of which the user speaks of something the complete opposite of what the user means. It often has the best comedic value.

2. Your body’s natural defense against stupid.

3. The bastard stepchild of irony.

4. The ability to insult idiots without them realizing it.

5. A word that gives you the possibility to play with your imagination when asked stupid questions.

6. Something that nobody on the internet can ever recognize.

7.  A verbal reflex against stupidity. In my opinion one of the best types of humor.

 

I think I like the second group of definitions better! 🙂

~Jennifer

The Obligatory Welcome Page

Good morning.  Good afternoon.  Good evening.

Welcome to Life In Sarcasm.  

This is the obligatory welcome page.  This is the place where I say how glad I am that you are here and how great it is that you’ve found me.  (I am and it is)   Please, grab a glass, sit back and enjoy the ride.  Just be careful about when you choose to take a sip.

~Jennifer